Critical illness has been part of Ashley’s life since she was first admitted to the ICU at the age of 18. Then a senior in high school, Ashley quickly shifted from wondering what she would wear to her prom to how she should interpret her latest lab results. Before the end of her 3-week ICU admission, Ashley, who the ICU staff affectionately referred to as “the baby” and “the princess,” would learn she has a rare blood disorder that would dramatically hinder her ability to participate in various dimensions of life.

It's been 12 years since that first ICU admission, and there have been two subsequent admissions to endure. While she was spared intubation each time, the mental health impact was profound, leaving Ashley with medical PTSD, anxiety, and intermittent depression. Adding to these challenges, Ashley copes with a common and less-recognized impact of Post-Intensive Care Syndrome – social isolation.

Living with a chronic illness is challenging for people of all ages. However, as a young adult, Ashley frequently feels a lack of commonality with others in her age range. She had a large group of friends in high school, but her circle gets smaller with each year that passes. One reason for this, Ashley acknowledges, is because of her own fear of rejection, either because of port scars on her skin or her inability to participate in activities that could result in an injury. A bad fall at the skating rink could lead not only to a fractured bone, but another stay in the ICU and more medical trauma. Another reason for her smaller social circle is others’ discomfort in getting close to someone who is chronically sick. Ashley explains that many of her peers can’t understand her condition – and have worried about catching her disease. She also admits that as an immunocompromised person in a post-COVID world, she shares the fear of being exposed to a serious illness.

Ashley has often chosen to play it safe. However, she longs for deeper connections with others and would even love to find a partner to share her life with. As is common among survivors of critical illness, Ashley is navigating the tension of caring for her health and becoming physically and emotionally vulnerable through deeper relationships.