George critical illness journey began in late 2009 when he was admitted to the ICU with complications from swine flu. It was an abrupt end to a celebratory period in his life, as just months prior to his critical illness, George and his partner Lynne welcomed a newborn son. He was also a single father to two school-aged daughters. George and Lynne were 2.5 years into their relationship when he became ill. They had plans to spend the rest of their lives together, raising their son and continuing to pursue their dreams. Many of those dreams were put on long-term hold when George’s illness progressed.
It is always difficult when a loved one is critically ill, and Lynne tried to remain positive and proactive by keeping a thorough ICU diary during George’s hospital stay. Though she hadn’t been told of the helpful impacts ICU diaries could have on a survivor as they began the work of processing what happened to them, the diary was a way she could remain connected to the hope he would return home to her and their son.
George was discharged in spring 2010 but not to the recommended six-week rehab facility. His mental health was suffering as he realized he had missed four months of his newborn son’s life, so he advocated for a discharge home, where he would receive outpatient rehab and his parents could join him for ten days to help. He was eager to resume his life and hopeful he and Lynne could make things work and he could return to his career within a couple of months.
However, it was quickly apparent the impacts of his critical illness – physical, cognitive, and psychological – were severe. George explains that when he returned home, he didn’t have the physical strength to press the nozzle of an aerosol can. He was also using a wheelchair, enduring physical pain and breathlessness, and becoming increasingly forgetful. This resulted in psychological distress for George, who had competed in athletics throughout his life and fully expected to bounce back quickly. It also led to disillusionment for Lynne, who believed George must be well if the hospital had discharged him home. This is a common belief among patients and family members – and can often lead to tension as relationship dynamics change over a longer period than expected. After several weeks without progress and escalating arguments and frustration, Lynne began to believe George was faking his symptoms and accused him of malingering. The relationship ended less than a month after George was discharged home to Lynne.
Relationship challenges are not uncommon among survivors of critical illness (Cox et al., 2009). Some survivors struggle with their loss of autonomy, and caregivers may be burdened by the new, highly stressful role that is thrust upon them without relief from other roles previously held. In addition, surviving a near-death experience can challenge one’s entire worldview as they seek to find meaning in their pain. The result is often a shift in priorities and values, which may not align with the values of other important people in one’s life.
This shift was part of George and Lynne’s story, and he continues to grapple with the loss of their relationship, along with the fact he was never again physically capable of carrying his baby son. Losing important relationships is never easy to accept, and as George so eloquently states, “I grieve the life I was yet to live.”
Cox, C. E., Docherty, S. L., Brandon, D. H., Whaley, C., Attix, D. K., Clay, A. S., Dore, D. V., Hough, C. L., White, D. B., & Tulsky, J. A. (2009). Surviving critical illness: Acute respiratory distress syndrome as experienced by patients and their caregivers. Critical Care Medicine, 37(10), 2702–2708. https://doi.org/10.1097/CCM.0b013e3181b6f64a
